


blue skies

by jamb



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck loves eddie so much, Fluff, M/M, Sickfic, all lowercase bc i have an aesthetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamb/pseuds/jamb
Summary: it’s dumb and awful and buck wants to crawl into eddie’s skin and never resurface.“you good? you’ve been all weird since you got in,” eddie says, bumping their shoulders together in the kitchen as they wait on the coffee machine.no, buck wants to say. i want you to hug me. i want you to look at me and see me and never stop seeing me.(aka the one where buck gets very emo when he's sick but eddie loves him anyway.)
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 33
Kudos: 318





	blue skies

**Author's Note:**

> bruh. this wouldn't have been possible without doc doing sprints with me and the rest of the abyss 911 discord (love you guys). i started this with the intent to 1) write a damn 911 fic finally and 2) write something based off how me and my gf got together. it spiraled from there until really only the jealousy is similar.
> 
> i wrote a lot of myself into buck which is shocking to no one and the title is from blue skies by noah and the whale
> 
> update: had to fix a minor error <3

buck knows he has no one to blame but himself. he’s the one who fell in love with his best friend. he’s the one who let eddie become something _vital_ to him. he’s the one who couldn’t just chill the fuck out and not fall for every person who smiled at him like he was something that _mattered_.

so, when eddie tells him all about this ana flores, buck can only blame the tightening in his chest on himself. it’s awful, is the thing. the slight mystified tone eddie’s voice takes, as if he never expected to ever _like_ someone again. buck thought he dodged a bullet when eddie talked about blowing his lid over the skateboarding thing. he thought he could keep his dumb, stupid, soft heart safe for just a little while longer, but then eddie went _back._ eddie said there was a someday lingering between him and ana, and buck should have seen it coming.

the worst part is that the only person he wants to talk to about all of this is eddie himself. eddie is his best goddamn friend. he tells eddie everything; about how he burnt his finger on a frying pan, about the bad dreams he had the night before, and all the things in between. being in love with eddie is the first huge thing he’s kept from eddie in so, so, so long.

it’s all dumb and awful and it sits in his stomach like a brick.

“you’re being dramatic,” chim says, swapping buck’s empty beer bottle with a new one.

buck rolls his head across the couch cushion to glare as he watches chim settle down next to maddie. “i knew i should have gone to hen’s,” buck mumbles and brings the beer up to his mouth.

“love you too, buck,” maddie says with her hands resting on her stomach. “but he’s right.”

buck rolls his eyes. “thank you for the support, guys.”

“look, the only way to fix this is to tell him,” chim says. “or else he’s just going to keep thinking about this lady and eventually act on it.”

buck throws back half of his beer so he doesn’t give in to the urge to cry. the thought makes his throat tight and maddie must see it because she whacks chim lightly. “what chim means is that eddie doesn’t know you’re an option. i don’t know him as well as you two do, but he doesn’t exactly strike me as the type to make the first move here.”

buck finally sits up from his slumped position and sets his beer on the coffee table. he shuts his eyes and rubs roughly at his ears. “he isn’t, but he also isn’t the kind of guy that would be able to pretend we’re okay if he doesn’t feel the same. i can’t do that, maddie, i _can’t_.”

maddie sighs loudly and it causes buck to stop his anxious fiddling. “now i know that’s not true.”

“dude, you two came back from that shit after the tsunami,” chim adds. “i think you two can come back from anything.”

buck gestures at them wildly and says, “so, you agree that this _is_ something we would have to come back from!”

the unimpressed stares he gets make him grab his beer and slump back into the couch. buck is a lot of things, but he’s not blind. he knows there’s something hanging between him and eddie. best friends don’t spend nearly every waking moment with some form of contact, be it touching, texting, or talking. best friends probably don’t look at the other the way eddie looked at him during the train wreck. best friends surely don’t feel sick at the prospect of the other falling love with someone else. buck _knows_ but it doesn’t make the idea of telling eddie any easier to swallow.

“i have to tell him, don’t i?” buck finally asks, pouting slightly.

“if you don’t want this thing between him and the teacher to go any farther? yeah, you do, buck,” maddie says with a small smile.

…..

knowing what he needs to do and actually doing it are two completely different things. work the next day is miserable. he’s hungover because he can’t even have four beers anymore without wanting to die the next day, and eddie seems to be up in buck’s space far more than usual. chim keeps shooting him looks that grow more and more amused with every press of eddie’s shoulder against his.

it’s dumb and awful and buck wants to crawl into eddie’s skin and never resurface.

“you good? you’ve been all weird since you got in,” eddie says, bumping their shoulders together in the kitchen as they wait on the coffee machine.

 _no,_ buck wants to say. _i want you to hug me. i want you to look at me and see me and never stop seeing me._

instead, buck smiles and shrugs. “yeah, i apparently can’t handle four beers in a night anymore.”

eddie smirks at him. “welcome to the old people club, man, you’ll be going to bed by nine in no time.”

buck shoves him and pours himself a cup of coffee so he doesn’t have to see the smile that matches eddie’s laugh.

the problem is buck doesn’t feel better as the day progresses. instead, bobby’s roast dinner churns his stomach and no matter how much water he drinks, buck’s throat only feels drier and drier. he knows what he feels like when he’s getting sick, and he’s very aware that this is what’s happening.

“want to come over?” eddie asks as they walk toward their cars, his shoulder once again bumping against buck’s. “i promised chris pizza for acing his english test.”

buck doesn’t want to think about how ana flores is chris’s english teacher, but he does anyway. he shakes his head and tries to clear away the tightness in his throat. “i would, but i still feel like shit,” buck says and flashes eddie a smile that hopefully keeps eddie from worrying. “i think i’m going to go straight to bed, but you tell the little man i’m proud of him. i’ll make it up to you guys.”

they come to a stop at eddie’s truck. buck thinks about how nice it would be to climb in with eddie and go home with him, to tell chris how proud he is of him and fall asleep with eddie as a solid weight across the bed. but that’s not something buck gets to have.

eddie’s hand squeezes his shoulder. “you sure you’re okay?”

buck hopes his smile is more convincing this time. “yeah, man, just need some sleep. i’ll see you tomorrow.”

eddie doesn’t let go. “okay, just let me know if you need anything.”

only when he promises to do just that does eddie let go.

at home, buck only has enough energy to shower and chug a glass of orange juice before crashing into bed. he has a couple of texts from eddie: a picture of chris with his english test and a text that reads, _dominoes has the best pizza and you can’t fight me on this._ buck curls around one of his pillows and tries to figure out whether he feels like crying or laughing. in the end he does neither because his throat still hurts, and his chest is full of desperate yearning.

buck sends back, _can’t believe chris holds all the brain cells in the diaz family_ and _this is papa john’s erasure._ buck sets his alarm and falls asleep before eddie messages back.

when his alarm wakes him up, buck only manages to send bobby a quick text to let him know he won’t be able to come in before passing out again. the next time he wakes up, the sun is shining in his face and it feels impossible to swallow around his dry throat. his sinuses have clogged up at some point, so he stumbles around until he finds tissues in the bathroom. he’s burning up, but he desperately wants to stay under his comforter and away from the sun.

it doesn’t work out. buck whines and kicks off his covers, pushing a handful of used tissues onto the floor before flopping onto his stomach and falling into something that barely resembles sleep. buck has always been a big baby when it comes to being sick. his parents never played into his neediness, often leaving him with medicine and an empty house when he wanted someone to hug him and let him _whine_. maddie would make him tea or surprise him with some form of soup, but that was where it ended. it was the same when he was 7 and 13 and 17.

it’s the same now at 28.

the next time he wakes up, his thoat is dry again and his head is _pounding._ the room is blessedly dark, but buck is still obnoxiously hot. there’s also someone shutting his door downstairs. buck thinks he should be more worried about that, but he feels so shitty he wouldn’t mind being bludgeoned to death right about now.

“buck?”

 _eddie_. buck groans as lights turn on downstairs and he becomes more and more aware of how tragic he is right now – how tragic he must look. he’s sweaty and his hair is a greasy, curly mess, and he’s positive his nose has already started to peel from the amount of times he’s rubbed at it. sure, eddie has seen him at his worst, but it’s hard for him to be logical right now.

buck pulls the blanket over himself and turns onto his side to watch the stairs. eddie is still in his work pants and shirt and it makes something inside of him burst.

“hey, cap said you came down with something,” eddie says, voice gentle and low. “how are you feeling?”

buck can’t open his mouth. if he does everything is going to spill out and he’ll be left alone to clean it all up like he always is. eddie comes closer and buck blames the fever for making him reach out and snag a hand in eddie’s shirt. he just _wants_ so much all the time.

“woah, hey. buck?”

buck shakes his head and tugs. eddie falls onto the bed with a soft _oof._ he sits right in the curve of buck’s body and it only makes sense for buck to dig his cotton-filled head into eddie’s side. eddie’s slow breaths make buck’s forehead rise and fall – calming the thudding headache that hasn’t gone away since he woke up yesterday.

a moment later, a hand rests on the back of his neck. it’s chilly and makes him let out an embarrassing groan of sheer relief. eddie hisses. “christ, buck, you’re burning up.”

buck closes his eyes, feeling anchored with eddie’s hand on his neck. he wants to stay here – caught between eddie’s hand and eddie’s ribs and let the world swallow him whole.

eddie starts to move, starts to pull away and buck will be horrified by the desperate sound he makes _later._ “hey, i need to take your temp, i’m just going to get a couple things from the kitchen,” eddie says, thumb tracing the the hairline on his neck. “i’m not leaving.”

it hurts to swallow around the way he wants to cry and beg for eddie to mean it – to mean that he’s never going to spend a day away from buck’s side. instead, buck uncurls his fingers from eddie’s shirt one by one and doesn’t watch eddie go.

by the time eddie returns, buck has almost convinced himself that he could doze off without eddie. the bed dips and eddie fills the space between buck’s chest and the rest of the world. eddie forces buck’s hand to curl around a thermometer and helps him guide it to his mouth. _dad mode,_ buck’s brain whispers. buck should be offended that he’s being treated like a child but buck’s wanted someone to take care of him for so long. buck clamps down on the thermometer so a sob doesn’t escape.

he watches blearily as eddie sets a box of cold medicine and a couple water bottles on buck’s bedside table. he thinks he might sob anyway.

the meter beeps and eddie swipes it. with a grunt he tosses it onto the table too. “101.2. if that goes higher, i’m taking you in. i need you to sit up for some water. the last thing i want to do is watch you get pumped with fluids in the e.r.”

buck’s nose stings and his eyes go dry and blurry as he lets eddie help him sit up. “sorry,” buck manages to whisper.

eddie catches his eye as he hands over the water bottle. there’s a dip in his brow like buck’s hurt himself on a call or chris has skinned his knee. “i only say that because i’ve seen you in the hospital enough times to last a lifetime, buck,” eddie says.

buck wipes his nose and tries to drink around the pain in his throat. “this is probably the last thing you want to do tonight,” buck says, voice rough and fragile. “it’s not your job to take care of me.”

eddie’s hand is suddenly cradling the side of his neck, his thumb rubbing across the stubble on buck’s cheek. “i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t want to be,” eddie says. “finish that bottle and down some pills. think you’ll be up to eating something in a while?”

buck’s ears burn. he takes the pills from eddie and shrugs. eddie huffs and pulls lightly on buck’s ear. buck tosses the empty bottle onto the floor with the used tissues and worms his way back into the form of a half-moon. he thinks eddie will get up and go do something interesting like play video games or call chris.

instead, eddie kicks off his shoes and urges buck further across the bed until there is enough space for him to lay down. he tucks an arm behind his head and pulls out his phone while buck watches with an open mouth.

“what?”

“get some sleep, buck,” eddie tells him, throwing a soft smile down at him.

and well. buck isn’t going to say no.

when buck wakes up again, he feels slightly more human. eddie isn’t next to him, but before he can spiral, he hears someone moving around his kitchen. buck blows his nose quietly and goes to throw it into the pile only to find the pile gone. the floor has been swept clean of snot filled tissues and the clothes he didn’t have the energy to throw into the hamper.

eddie cleaned up after him. he stuck a thermometer down is throat and let buck fall asleep inches from his side. he rubs at his ears before making his way downstairs. eddie’s washing a cutting board. he’s changed out of his work clothes and into one of buck’s loose shirts and sweatpants. there’s something boiling on the stove and buck wants to curl around eddie’s back and let him hold the world up for a little while longer.

“eddie?”

eddie jumps slightly, throwing a half-assed glare at buck over his shoulder before putting the board out to dry. “don’t sneak up on me,” he says, wiping his hands on a dish towel. “how are you feeling now?”

buck still feels like a pile a shit that’s been out in the sun too long, but his head isn’t throbbing, and his throat isn’t rubbed raw. “better,” buck says. “you’re still here.”

eddie rolls his eyes and sticks his fingers into buck’s side until buck settles onto a barstool. “abuela sent a recipe for this soup that used to wipe my fucking sinuses clean when i was sick,” eddie explains, going to stir the pot on the oven. “she sends her best but wants to know how much snot it makes you lose.”

buck is horrified for all of two seconds before he notices eddie’s shoulder jerking slightly with laughter. “you’re a dick,” buck grumbles. “thanks though.”

“stop thanking me for taking care of you.”

 _no one has ever taken care of me like this,_ buck wants to say. _people don’t stay when i can’t give them something in return._

“buck.”

buck’s head snaps up to find eddie leaning against the counter across from him. “yeah?”

“i need you to know that i’m taking care of you because i want to,” eddie insists, eyes wide and warm. “i want you to feel better because i care about you and your wellbeing.”

buck is blindsided. there are bee’s buzzing in his ears and a fire igniting behind his ribs. “i love you,” his voice cracks and breaks around the words, but he’s never meant anything more.

eddie’s whole face smooths out and he reaches forward to push buck’s disgustingly greasy curls away from his forehead. “buck, the only person who doesn’t realize i love you back is you.”

“chris’ teacher?”

eddie levels him with a deadpan stare that has buck ducking his head. “she was a choice because i didn’t think you’d choose me back, buck.”

buck catches eddie’s hand and digs his forehead into eddie’s rough palm so he doesn’t have to look eddie in the eye. “i’m not going to kiss you because i’m sick but know that i will when i can breathe through my nose again.”

buck can feel eddie laugh through his palm. “okay, mouth breather,” eddie whispers and curls his fingers into buck’s hair.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me: kenroczen.tumblr.com


End file.
